No Day But Today

In the years 2001-2003, I worked at an agency called The Family Center. This was an organization that targets families with a parent who is terminally ill. (www.thefamilycenter.org) It served some families suffering from Cancer and other illnesses, but 80% of the families served by The Family Center had a parent with HIV or AIDS. The early 2000’s was a time when HIV/AIDS was still on the frontlines of social issues. There was a tremendous amount of funding for HIV/AIDS related medical and social programs. Also, it was all over the media: on the evening news, in well-known magazines like Time and Newsweek, and it was in several Hollywood movies and TV shows at the time. It is still a very important issue, but with all the new advancements in medication and treatments, more people are living longer and healthier with the virus in the United States, and it appears less on the front-page news.

During this era, I was lucky to be in New York City and young in my social work career to gain valuable experience with families affected by HIV/AIDS. One major topic I discussed with HIV clients is their identity, and how it changed once they learned they contracted the virus. They discussed their overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame. I once asked a client to draw all of the parts of her that make her who she is. She wrote that she was a woman, a mom, a wife, but an overwhelming percentage of her identity was her HIV positive diagnosis, which she kept secret from most of the world. Many clients kept their diagnosis hidden; including from their bosses, their friends and their children. I helped my clients decide if they should disclose, or if remaining private about this stigmatized disease was the best choice. It was never an easy decision.

One of the most powerful tools I used to help clients who feel marginalized was a therapy group with other moms who were HIV+. In the safety net of a group, the women could get together and discuss their worries, feelings of isolation and shame and take comfort that their fellow group members were experiencing similar feelings. As peers, they gave each other advice and support and respected the bounds of confidentiality. This group of women became a tight network and in the 3 years I worked there, I observed them maintain that bond long after the formal group sessions ended.

One of my favorite memories of The Family Center was when I was given the chance to take these women to see the musical “RENT”. All of the women had lower incomes and never been to a Broadway show before. This play is set in the mid 90’s in downtown Manhattan. It is about a group of young people struggling with poverty, drugs, and lessons of love and loss. Several of the characters are HIV+ and one dies of AIDS. One of the major themes of the play is to live and love, despite fears of loss. The finale song “No Day but Today!” illustrates that. I vividly remember looking over at my clients as they watched the play, seeing them so engaged, and seeing the tears roll down their faces as they watched the characters mourn the loss of their friend. As the group leader, my clients' collective experience gave this show a new dimension for me. I’ll never forget that experience, nor will I forget those women who gave me the rare opportunity to let me know their real strengths.

--Pam 8.15.07